I Quit. So there. (Part I)

I Quit. So There. (Part I)
By Roknrol

Feeling quite elated,
having stood up to a bully.
I had just walked from the Amazon;
it hadn’t settled fully.

The Graveyard shift they gave me,
Was a hundred miles from home.
And I gladly drove the distance,
Every week I drove alone.

I paid an extra rent check,
And I took a point position.
The Graveyard shift did not ruin
my sunny disposition.

We had a top notch crew
just some idiots in IT.
(Don’t look at me that way
one of those idiots was me)

After I got hired on
the job just went downhill
(I’d take it personally
but it’s gotten worse there still).

Bad managers abounded
Taking carrots, adding sticks.
I would have tolerated
if they hadn’t been such dicks.

Some new rules made sense,
but some others were erratic
like the Hello Kitty backpacks
but that was only symptomatic.

They thought that what they
needed was to pay for cheaper techs.
But with cheaper comes the dumber;
They promoted tech rejects.

These workers made some dumb mistakes
That led to dumb directives
Bosses wanted policies,
and hiring was unselective.

The smarter the technician
then the harder he got screwed,
Until they complicated matters
And we almost came unglued.

What had started as a steady shift
Was soon to be revolving.
Those managers could sure use some
Remed’ial problem solving

To improve on our performance
Every 90 nights and days
Our shifts would do a flipflop
While we suffered jet-lag haze.

Managers exempt, of course,
Their jobs were far too vital
While the people doing real work
Were screwed by dint of title.

“What’s this?” The cry came from the techs,
“Planning will be futile!
Shift change every 90 days is
cruel and simply brutal!”

“Your opinion doesn’t matter,”
Said our Leader and our mentor.
“If you were smart you wouldn’t
work inside a datacenter.”

“You’ve achieved all of our goals,
Stop being such a weeper.
If you don’t like it you can leave,
We’ll just find someone cheaper.”

With that, I quit. No ceremony,
No unwanted drama.
I walked away with dignity
unlike his baby mama.

The State of Oregon has decreed
my reasons weren’t compelling,
despite the metaphorical
ache of anal swelling.

For them there is no point at which
a good job turns distressing.
So unemployment doesn’t pay
Without some dipshit’s blessing.

In other news I’ve heard it told
more techs have been dispersed.
They’re being smarter than myself,
By finding new jobs first.

Part One has just explained to you
Why Rok has left his post.
Next week we’ll talk about the search,
Expect Part Two, at most.

Alternate ending:

The story’s only halfway done,
It’s just part one of two.
You’ve heard me stick it to the man,
In Russia, man sticks you

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